In Today's News...

I'm so sick and tired of getting bad news. I so often get them that I think its the only news I'll ever be getting for the rest of my life. The worst part of it is, I can't seem to get used to it. To be plagued by nothing but terrible, unbearable, painful, intolerable news...feels like I have never gone through the same lows. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Effin' news!

And I don't mean the NEWS news. I meant it as the result of something , a report of a recent event, the turning point of an action....whatever!

I can't play basketball anymore because it turns out, what was once just a temporary knee injury was actually a permanent ailment that I wouldn't never be able to get rid of. And that sucks. Its sucks to know that this leaves my slot in the roster of the team I'm playing for, up-for-grabs for next year's tournament. I will be Ross Gellar, the FRIEND who claimed to have given up a career in the game. I am too young to be a has-been.

People often ask the question, "can you see yourself ten years from now?" No matter how hard I've tried, before, I just couldn't. Now I'm finally able to. But what sucks is...I see myself as a thirty year old with a limp, a forty year old who shakes with every step, a fifty year old uncle who'd be full of anger for all the unfair things that life was so kind of to share. Never the good stuff... never the good stuff.

I'm becoming the Grinch...the Scrooge. BAH HAMBUG!

A family member, one who used to be the only person who knew me more than I knew myself, was startled to find out that I no longer am that person she knew. And she wondered why. I, too, myself. Its a mystery that people's expectations of you can be similar to your own... and to have to wonder both yourselves what happened, is another too. I am a snake...I shed my skin once every now and then to reveal my another me.

She thinks I have to see a shrink. I think I do too. But I already know I'm suffering from bipolar disorder. So why do I need a shrink to tell me I am extreme in almost everything?

With all these news...I am exhausted almost everyday. No matter how much I rest, I still feel exhausted. I no longer function properly. I am broken, send me to a repair shop.

...But exhaustion is good. I once read that exhaustion brings one closer to death. Maybe that would be a change. With all the bad news, that might actually be the good one.

I hate summer.

I know its winter...

But summer found me again.

How to Save a Life ... DeVille Style

No matter how hard I try, things just don't go the way I want it to be. I try to have enough patience to accept these mishaps. I tell myself that things like these happens -- shit happens. It's the way of life. But that doesn't work either. Like I said, no matter how hard I try, things just don't go the way I want it to be.

It doesn't take a genius to understand how life works. It takes someone who actually cares to figure it out. So who cares and who doesn't? There are only two kinds of people when it comes to understanding life. Like a deck of cards, you either get a high card or a low one. Nothing in between. And like a deck of cards, you are never sure with an ACE. Sometimes its a high card, sometimes its a low card...it only depends on the game you are playing.

Age doesn't prepare you for what's coming. It is not a helpful factor. Age only serves one purpose. That is for everyone to have an excuse someday. Excuse to possess authority over others, excuse to claim respect from others. It is a meaningless leverage. Age is nothing but a number.

Success doesn't equate to happiness. Happiness can be best defined as hypocrisy. How can anyone be happy when surrounded by discontent? Thru hypocrisy, one can. With hypocrisy, it can happen. This is the sad truth that every happy person hides. So what can be done to be able to get by? Face life with a little negativity. Its healthier that way. Accept every cruelty it can offer because...sometimes its better to drink iced tea in a coffee mug than hot coffee in a tall drinking glass.

Ran out of excuses, I apologize.

[i-pif-uh-nee]

What's an epiphany? Even in its definition in dictionaries...I don't get it. One thing I know though, it's the most common word used in every blogs. They would talk about epiphany. But no matter how they explain, I still don't get it. How do they know that THAT's epiphany?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment when a montage of your life plays in your head which is triggered by the stupidest thing you've encountered that day?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment when you're so convinced that you're doing the right thing and right after doing so, you realize you've done a huge mistake?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment before sleeping that you wish you'd never wake up for the next day and when the next evening comes you are afraid to sleep because of that wish?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment in your life when you see everything as if seeing things on a high definition television?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment when you stand in front of the mirror and you just decide you are not who you were anymore?

What's an epiphany? Is it the moment when you've just decided to give up because you've realized you've never really tried in the first place?

What's an epiphany?

Is this it?

Change

First week

12 swimming pools, a collection of lush flora and fauna, a conference hall, 3 cottages and almost 30 people. That's how much it took to satisfy my craving for change. Change of everyday routine, of ideas, of perspective in life... change of personality. Because of these things, I realized how important everything was-- and how time was ready to steal every moment of happiness and turn it into the opposite which is why we have the need to live the very moment that we're in. We should reminisce the past and not dwell on it. We should care about the future and not worry about it. It is necessary that in the time we're in, the 'now' that we have, we make it matter-- not because of the nearing end but because of the worth we put to what we are doing. Prove that you don't want the moment to end by making it matter. I've changed, or I think I have... or the very least I've tried.

Second week

No money, no destination, a thousand and more unfamiliar faces, a mic connected to a filthy karaoke machine, good company, good food, and new friend. To be able to get-over the sad state of farewells, turn to the good side of tomorrow. Find comfort in the simplest things that can bury the anguish. Move forward, keep moving forward... and you'll find a hand willing to drag you up. Before you know it, you earn and earn the treasure of what this life can give. When you do, then at times you think about the past...you'll understand and see how much you've mattered-- how much difference you've made. And by your shine, you've let others too.