In Today's News...

I'm so sick and tired of getting bad news. I so often get them that I think its the only news I'll ever be getting for the rest of my life. The worst part of it is, I can't seem to get used to it. To be plagued by nothing but terrible, unbearable, painful, intolerable news...feels like I have never gone through the same lows. EVERY FREAKING TIME. Effin' news!

And I don't mean the NEWS news. I meant it as the result of something , a report of a recent event, the turning point of an action....whatever!

I can't play basketball anymore because it turns out, what was once just a temporary knee injury was actually a permanent ailment that I wouldn't never be able to get rid of. And that sucks. Its sucks to know that this leaves my slot in the roster of the team I'm playing for, up-for-grabs for next year's tournament. I will be Ross Gellar, the FRIEND who claimed to have given up a career in the game. I am too young to be a has-been.

People often ask the question, "can you see yourself ten years from now?" No matter how hard I've tried, before, I just couldn't. Now I'm finally able to. But what sucks is...I see myself as a thirty year old with a limp, a forty year old who shakes with every step, a fifty year old uncle who'd be full of anger for all the unfair things that life was so kind of to share. Never the good stuff... never the good stuff.

I'm becoming the Grinch...the Scrooge. BAH HAMBUG!

A family member, one who used to be the only person who knew me more than I knew myself, was startled to find out that I no longer am that person she knew. And she wondered why. I, too, myself. Its a mystery that people's expectations of you can be similar to your own... and to have to wonder both yourselves what happened, is another too. I am a snake...I shed my skin once every now and then to reveal my another me.

She thinks I have to see a shrink. I think I do too. But I already know I'm suffering from bipolar disorder. So why do I need a shrink to tell me I am extreme in almost everything?

With all these news...I am exhausted almost everyday. No matter how much I rest, I still feel exhausted. I no longer function properly. I am broken, send me to a repair shop.

...But exhaustion is good. I once read that exhaustion brings one closer to death. Maybe that would be a change. With all the bad news, that might actually be the good one.

I hate summer.

I know its winter...

But summer found me again.