"-holic" Frolic

We all have different kinds of stuff that keeps us hooked unconsciously. I believe that to truly fight the urges of having too much of what isn't supposedly the safe amount, we have to accept to ourselves the true nature of what we have become. So here are my few addiction.

1st addiction:
This was waaaaay back. I was a kid then. My life revolved around food. I mean, I was fat then....obese fat! The mere thought of losing weight sounded so crazy. Food was my only friend. It was my only escape to feeling bad about myself. Whenever I think of my weight, I say to myself--"Think of the FOOD man!". I was a food-a-holic!!!

2nd addiction:
To get rid of my addiction to food, I tried so many things in-order to forget about it. So I started working-out. And it did the job all right. I lost millions of pounds and I was able to fit into pants that were sold on boutiques! Yeah that was one helluva experience the first time I bought a pair of pants that were sized 30. *Sniff-sniff*. But then I missed the whole point of my working-out that it was getting pretty unhealthy. I would work-out early in the morning then at in the afternoon then at evening just before going to bed. I totally stopped eating because I thought that it was ruining my sessions. I think this might count as a work-a-holic.

3rd Addiction:
It was not until I looked like a junkie that I was able to stop. I quit working-out and made myself busy by trying to hook-up with as many women as I could get. I mean, hey they tend to keep me busy from working-out or eating too much. And for a while it worked. But where could I get as many women as I could? Answer: Bars and Clubs. Unfortunately, something else occupied most of my time. Alcohol--yes booze! For a year and 2 months, I couldn't be go on a day without atleast a bottle of cold, cold beer. When my craving was ultimately too much to control, I finally accepted the fact that I had become an alcoholic.

4th Addiction:
I had a hard time figuring out how to cure myself of the disease brought to me by all the drinking. It was very difficult. I had no other solutions. I spend almost all my allowance on just booze. So what I did? I had to get rid of my money. My only solution was to spend it all--shopping. Sadly it did get out of control again. Suddenly I was spending too much on useless stuff. I buy too much dvds and I don't even watch them, I buy too many clothes most of which I don't even wear, I buy lots and lots of crazy things which now doesn't even make sense anymore. I went out shopping too much like a woman! It was getting pretty scary. I was a shop-a-holic.

The bad thing is I went back to my first addiction to cure my 4th addiction. And then I'm gonna have to got thru my 2nd addiction to get rid of the 1st! I am going round and round till I find a solution to all these four. Its crazy I know. But what can I do!?! I badly need help. Stuff like these are one of those in life that you can't seem to make sense out of. It is crazy to let a situation get out-of-hand but the question is, when do you know its becoming an addiction? Sometimes you can't even accept the fact that it is an addiction. I am very thankful though that I haven't been into the worst kind of addiction--drugs. Still, I think my issues are bad enough.
Situations like these are just way beyond our control. These are the times when I wish I have the guts to trust in God and just pray for help. But my philosophy sometimes contradicts that. I mean you cannot just rely on everything to God. I believe in the saying that, "God helps those who help themselves". I just don't know if I have done everything to help myself. Thus I go on trying to figure out a way to conquer these things that eat me empty.

Holden at 20

I missed reading books. So I got myself a treat yesterday by going to the bookstore and getting me a new book. Actually it ain't new at all, its a classic. "The Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger. It had been recommended to me numerous times already. I was really curious why.
It took me less than a day to read...and PHEW...what a boring book. Atleast that's what I thought at first. I mean, I hated the way the character, Holden Caulfield, kept repeating what he said. But after getting used to it midway thru the book, everything got more interesting.
Its really a book about what goes on in the head of Holden, a 1st class fuck-up. After being axed from his third school, he suddenly goes into a phase wherein he had to go soul searching. Well there wasn't much of a search rather than clearing his head up from what troubled him.
I was surprised with the similarity of what goes on in his life with mine. Depression really gets the best out of you. With each trouble he comes face-to-face with, he runs away from it as this was his solution of problems. Somehow he never likes anything at all, and he tries to find the fault in everything and everyone just to justify his acts. Calling everyone a phony and all. That's all me! Do I just love escaping the 'real world'...
What I loved about his personality was how caring he was with his brothers, one of them specially--Allie, who passed away at the age thirteen. It was also very touching the closeness he had with his younger sister, Phoebe Caulfield.
Phoebe is my favorite character in the book. She's such an adorable angel. Very innocent and smart. She's the baby sister I never had!:D I don't know why, but I know three Phoebe's...of course only one in real person, and the other two characters from a tv sitcom and a book. But all seem so bubbly and cheery. Maybe I'd be calling my future-daughter by that name. Its such a "fun" one. Unlike the name Holden...too boring.
Here's a line I loved from the book. It came as an advice from Holden's former teacher Mr. Antolini. "The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." This he claims, came from a psycho-analyst named Wilhelm Stekel.
As I read the book, I was amazed at how it almost resembled my life and thoughts. Well, I guess some books are just meant to be written for certain people. And this one surely was meant for me. In fact, I am beginning to love the book (its the kind that you'd love after reading and not while reading!), I bought a movie just because it was about a man who became obsessed with it. I think the movie is about John Lennon's killer, I don't know coz I haven't seen it yet. It stars Jared Leto and Lindsay Lohan entitled Chapter 27. FYI, the book has 26 chapters!:D

Speaking of movies, books, and obsession, I saw a movie yesterday that embodies those three. Starring Jim Carrey, entitled The Number 23. This movie I highly recommend to the fans of the actor, to those with obsession with numbers ( such as SHARI and her 11:11!), but definitely not to movie critics. Its a psycho-thriller about a guy who became obsessed with the number 23 after reading about a book that was similar with his life. Very freaky. Heads-Up to Jim Carrey's acting and the writers and director's creativity. Love it!

"You can't have enough of FRIENDS"

I believe a person can be a combination of many people. As for my analysis of myself, I find in me traits of 6 people. This is what I have gathered so far after all those times of search...or I guess from watching too much F.R.I.E.N.D.S.! So which "friend" am I? Let's take a look...

I am part Ross Geller. Why? I guess I could say I am, *ahem ahem*, intelligent, highly emotional (which I shouldn't be so proud of!), and romantic. Yes I could be romantic when I want to! Oh, and sometimes I just talk too much about stuff I do which I am sure at most times nobody listens to or even cares. Still, that's a good thing. Plus, I do get my fair share of the ladies...unlike Mr. Bing.

And there's Phoebe Buffay. Just like her, I am a positive thinker...in my own kind of way. I love music just as she does, and yes, I think we are both bad at singing!:D Oh, and in my family, I am the massuese! Her sense of bohemian living...that's just me! I am not a vegetarian but I don't eat beef, so I guess we could count that in.

To start it with, I have a weird name. In my country that is. Not as interesting as Chandler Bing though. In school, some people still call me Adrian Tamayo. No, it doesn't have anything to do with my hand-writing. There are instances that when they hear I am a Muslim, they call me Abdul or Mohammad. They just assume that's my name! I mean, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT!?! There's also the thing about bad jokes...I am always on fire with that one. Here's something we share...we are both "observers of everyone's life--especially our own!" But then I forgot why that's a good thing.

Rachel Greene? Well, I love fashion. Sometimes I am this completely obnoxious person who, at times, are mean than that of the right amount of which I should be. Still I care too much of my friends. And yes, I try to learn on life's lessons. So pretty much same as hers.

I used to be fat. That sums up to Monica Geller. Enough said.

Lastly, Joey Tribbiani completes my being. Hey, I know what you're thinking, that's not what I meant!!! Aside from wanting to be Al Pacino... I love pizza, women, the city, women, movies, women, and lastly (and most importantly!), MYSELF.